Teenage Mother.

WEll. I dont know why i decide to make a blog. My life isnt that interesting... not yet that is. Maybe im hoping to gain somthing by doing this? I really dont know. I am 17 years old. I have a daughter. She has change my life for the better. Lord know what I would be into if I didnt have a child. The man that helped me produce her is not in either of our lives. A week after i had sex with him (the day i got pregnant) I found out he was cheating on me for almost our whole relationship with some other girl. I brushed it off, didnt care. We was on and off for awhile. We never saw each other again just phone conversations. I was kind of in denial but we both knew i was pregnant.

A few days after we had sex he asked me " did you get your period yet? What would you do if you were pregnant?" I really didn't think anything of it then but now as i look back he knew i was pregnant. I was in denial for awhile. When i really started to show and felt my first kick thats when i deiced to just go and tell my mom. I wrote my mother a letter, gave it to her and left out side with my dog Dee'Boe. She found me at that park and she was really mad. She couldn't believe i would have sex, and on top of that might be pregnant. (i told her i might be even though i knew i was). That was the worse feeling in the world knowing that i let my mom down. (she said i didnt but i felt as if i did.)She talked to me about this. She told me to wait till i was married. But i didn't listen. Now people were going to look at her and say what did she do wrong? How could she let her daughter get pregnant? She must not brought her up right, but she did teach me better and brought me up right. So why did i choose to do the opposite? Why did i give myself to this man? Anyways I had my daughter. It was extremely painful. I had no epidural. They had to cut my coochie open some too cause it was a tight squeeze. I didnt get a epidural because i wanted to go all natural, and i thought it wasn't as bad as they say. I thought i could take the pain, but never again. Best believe when I get married and have my next child(if my husband even want any kids. If he dont thats cool with me) im defiantly getting an epidural.

It was really hard being a mom, especially the first days. I had to get use to waking up every 3 hours at night. After my body was kind of use to it it was still hard. Now that she is older the sleeps through the night but now shes up all day except for the one or two naps she have through out the day. Plus she just now started crawling so she all over the place, getting into everything lol. I love her though. She just got her first tooth some weeks ago. Her second tooth started coming in two or three days ago. This year went by so fast.

About my baby daddy. He is in the army now and my mom and I are still working on my child support case. We sent everything in now we just waiting for the court. He never seen my daughter sep pictures on myspace and facebook. He claim he wasnt at her birth because he was out of town. Which was true but why would you leave out of town so close to my due date?It was two occasion he was suppose to come see her. The first time he said he was going to come at a certain time but he had to pick his brother up from something or some bull crap and it was getting to late and my mom aint want him to come over late. The second time we set a time and he was pose to come over and a hour later from the time he said he was coming i called and asked him where he was at. He told me "oh im trying make some" money"" So im like why didnt you call and tell me. He said he just started so i said you messing up and i just hung up and said for get it. Im done. "Making money" is more important than coming to see your own daughter for the first time? I guess everyone isnt father material. It hurts me alot though seeign women with a good man. Even if they are not together the guy is taking care of his. I know guys out here that would kill for they kid. I remember this one guy was ready to kill is baby ma because she wouldn't let him see his daughter. He said he sees no point in living if he aint got his daughter in his life. He was really hurt. im like why in the world i get stuck with this bum dude. Im trying not to type some nasty words about him on here cause i forgave him and i already put it in Gods hands, but man.. some things i just wanna say about... but i wrote a poem about him here it is.....

You planted the seed and now you too dry to water ‘em

Hanging out in the hood and to busy to father ‘em

How dare you stand there and fake like you keep it real

Different chicks, taking trips, you get around like a ferris wheel

you said you wanted a baby, you wanted this.

But now your not even in her life, you don’t exist

Its like from her life, your own self you dismissed

Wont hurt to call, you knew when I was due.

But the only time you did call was when it was convent for you.

“im happy, excited, cant wait” you would say

You aint hurt me, it was her you betrayed.

You are way old enough to make your own decisions

I guess being a dead beat dad was something you envisioned

I tried to make it work, but now you can stay out our lives

With each other we will survive.

Im going to raise her to be all she can be.

And ever thing that you couldn’t be

Or is it what you chose not to see?

I guess your happy being so called “free”

I bet your mama would surely disagree

Or maybe she raised a man, that from his own child he would flee

And leave me to water this helpless , precious seed

So when she ask’s about you I’ll know just what to say

He was a boy that was never there since the ever first day

Someone that displayed foul play, and deiced he wanted to fly away.

But we’ll still love him anyways

He’ll get his on judgment day.

But yeah. I love my daughter she is my world. She the reason why Im trying to live my life right. I was really on fire for God a little before and really alot when i was pregnant when my daughter. I was living my life right. I been back sliding a little but im trying get back on track. Its like i withdrew and start doing things the old me use to do. Im trying to get back where i once was But i feel like im being held back and somethings stoping me from reaching were i was once at with God. the relationship i had with God.... but thats a whole nother story...

(sorry for all the spelling errors. I didn't feel like going back and correcting them :p)